Getting the Point

I went to Weight Watchers with my wife after years of great resistance

There were almost a hundred women and two, maybe three, guys

All of them struggling for a pointless existence

Woe is me, no more chili cheeseburgers and French fries

She said stand here in this line to be weighed in

You will see how much better life will be

When you are thin

You have got to do this for yourself not me

The lady up front was giving out ribbons for anyone who lost a pound

I wanted a ribbon printed with little directions as to where dinner could be found

I can eat anything I want

As long as I keep below the maximum points that my program will allow 

What a mean despicable taunt

Give me one tiny bite of  juicy steak and I want to eat the whole damn cow

I think the monster who made up the potato chip slogan ďBet you canít eat just OneĒ

Was the same one who started Weight Watchers, the son of a gun

Some one stood up an talked about banking left over points for later use

Iím looking for a bank that I can borrow a point of two from that wonít refuse

I hate veggies and low fat dip

God if I could only have a full glass of wine instead of just one tiny sip

Fiber, calories, fat

They gave me a special slide ruler to keep track of all of that

Donít tell me about writing down whatever I eat, no matter where I go

Donít even mention getting up and talking in front of that group, I donít want to know

And hereís a thought that will make you wiggle and quiver

Oh the horror of it all, someone brought up the word liver

Thatís it, thatís where I draw the line

Liver is my sworn enemy, its definitely no friend of mine

But alas, I like every other kind of food, I must admit

The mirror told me so yesterday, when I was standing in front of it

And I am pretty easy to find when playing hide and seek

So Iím sad to say that I guess I will be coming back with my wife next week