Boat people are a curious lot

They measure speed not by the mile but by the knot

One fellow I know

Waves hello to everyone else in a boat, wherever he happens to go.


He appears to be too damned happy for his own good

After all, his boat looks just like a motor strapped to a few thin sticks of wood

He takes off every Saturday just to check out the harbor

And sometimes on Sunday he even comes back for more


I want a boat, but I canít have one

I think having a boat would be fun

But there are a number or reasons why I will never be called Captain

To begin with, I donít have the time to spend


You have to learn what fore and aft is,  the word  starboard actually makes me numb

I already know that port is a kind of wine that winos and everyone at sea drinks

If they are out of rum

The words Latitude and Longitude are a nightmare no matter what anyone thinks


My wife says she like boats but I canít have one because we would never use it

At least enough to make her feel  that  we could work it into our budget and make it fit

The truth is she would have to go shopping and buy new clothes to wear when she was aboard

She hates shopping and claims if the boat didnít cost to much, itís the clothes she could not afford


Boats are always breaking down and that would piss me off

I would worry about my motor at the slightest wheeze or cough

Gas is really expensive and I am to lazy to row

I would get a sailboat but I never learned how to sail donít you know


The seagulls would probably crap on my boat

Believe you me there would be caulking  and sanding to do, just to keep the old bucket afloat 

And I would probably have to spend most of my time scrubbing the poop deck

Then there would be the problem of just picking out a name for the wreck


I would have to buy more fishing tackle because friends would want to tag along

You would need a ship to shore radio and with a depth finder you could never go wrong

A cool Flag for the back of the boat would be an extra expense

And  I have to admit a new ice chest would be just common sense


The last time I tried to talk my wife into getting a boat

I told her we could start small and maybe just get a little Dingy

She said I already was

Still there is hope, I know one day she will give in, after a little of the Port she always does