A Week In The Life Of An Anonymous Tree

I am a great big majestic pine tree standing by the side of an Arco Gas Station

Overlooking the restrooms and the parking area.

I’m stuck here in a patch of dirt the management calls a call a planter

Once I really longed to be free, I wanted to live my life in Yosemite

I thought I would make a really good home for a family of squirrels

There are no squirrels nearby

But I have come to realize that it really doesn’t matter

I have a job here to do

Every afternoon a wino comes and sits in my shade

To count his daily gathering of aluminum cans

and anticipate the money he made

The wino mumbles words that nobody but me can understand

So he sits by me for hours and talks

I listen

Every so often a crow or a few sparrows stop by to chat

On their way to MacDonald’s next door.


 There was some real excitement around here

Someone one robbed our store

The cops chased the guy in his car straight at me

All I can say is thank God for that cement curb and the retaining wall

The service station attendant is really nice

sometimes when he cleans out the men’s room

He shoots water from the hose in my direction


The radiator of this station wagon exploded into a giant cloud of white steam

And a cute little girl with a pink bow in her hair sat underneath me on a blanket

Watching her baby brother for over an hour while mom kept feeding quarters into the pay phone, calling for help.

The tow truck finally came and took them someplace

But I sure enjoyed her company because of the songs she could sing

and the smile on her face


 night this jerk tried to spray some graffiti on me

but I got even with him instead

He had bright yellow paint in a stinking spray can

Just as he was pushing down on the can’s nozzle to cover me really good

I dropped one of my biggest pine cones on his head.

I heard him scream a bad word at me as he picked up his paint and ran


 I got a tattoo

I really thought it would hurt.

This 7th grader named Burt

Brought his girl friend named Angela by after school

and he carved their initials in a heart on my bark

He walked her home after that

But Burt came back and sat looking at me and my tattoo until long after dark


 I finally made friends with the pigeons.

The wino asked a Lady in a Lexus for a dollar to eat

She ignored him and retreated into the wash room

I told the pigeons to crap on her windshield

When she came out and saw what the pigeons did

She paid the old guy two bucks to wash her window

He did not get the windows very clean but both felt that they got a good deal


I was frightened when I heard from a passing owl that houses were made out of trees

That people had cut down and sliced in to lumber

But then I was happy to hear and thought that the practice was wise

That they hardly ever used trees from Van Nuys


I have decided that people who drive those big SUV cars and Luxury Sedans are really a lot nicer because they visit me almost twice as much

 as those people with the ugly little cars

Well…Tomorrow it will be Sunday again

And I am really looking forward to starting a new week

Except I hope that dam dog will go someplace else

and make friends with a fire hydrant or something.

In closing I will tell you that at 4:00 an eagle rested here from an afternoon of soaring

I guess that All in all Yosemite would probably be really, really boring